To the guy who glowered at me while I took the lift from the first to ground floor....

Please don't be so quick to judge.

In my better days, I could kick your ass off the compound and not sweat a drop.

33

I realise that I'm getting older
I realise that meanings will change
I realise that hearts would harden
I realise that tears would mean little

I realise that dogs can be indifferent
I realise that cats can be affectionate
I realise that diesel can become expensive
I realise that yellow is not a dirty color

I realise that past can never be forgotten
I realise that nightmares can bring it back
I realise that sometimes staying can be hard
I realise that moving away can bring you close

I realise that somethings never change
I realise that pain is here to stay
I realise that love will always find a way
I realise that you've got to keep calm and drive on.

Naye vaadon ka jo daala hai, wo jaal accha hai..
Rehnumaaon ne kaha hai ki ye saal accha hai..

Humko maalum hai jannat ki haqeeqat lekin
Dil ke khush rakhne ko Ghalib ye khayal accha hai..

"Your blindness to my downfall has gone too far to be a joke,
As I stand ablaze before you and you tell me you smell smoke."

~ Eric Hanson

If I could look inside my heart, through the darkness, into the melancholy.. I'd see your face. Disfigured and hazy.  Broken and glued back together; missing the pieces lost with time. I remember you sometimes; what you were and what you gave away to become what you did. It evokes pride stirred with gut wrenching pain. 

I wonder how you walked away from the desolate memories that made you?  I wonder if you had a chance, would you change those moments? I wonder if you would still be here, sitting on this chair, typing this while trying to remember you, that girl who had dreams.

When pain becomes a part of you...

"It is an awful thing to be betrayed by your body. And it's lonely, because you feel you can't talk about it. You feel it's something between you and the body. You feel it's a battle you will never win . . . and yet you fight it day after day, and it wears you down. Even if you try to ignore it, the energy it takes to ignore it will exhaust you."

~David Levithan

Turning Thirty...

Life's been full of....

Storms that turned my world upside down

Comfort of my warm family that never turned its back on me

Full of broken promises and of goodbyes that stretched forever into darkness.

Gorgeous mountains and breath-taking rainbows

Days that were so dark I couldn’t even see my thoughts

Moonlit nights with eyes of an angel above me

Cravings to go under a rock and never come back

Breezy evenings that turned into beautiful sunrises

Truck hit cars 

Talking with the machines and falling in love with the wheels

Of struggle with my mind to forget and to remember

The gain and the losses, the blunders and the blotches, of people and places, of emotions of love and hate – much as I try I can’t remember half.

All that remains is ME. I am made up of ALL of that and more. I am what I am because of all that was then and all that will be.

I am ready for another bout of madness.