If I could look inside my heart, through the darkness, into the melancholy.. I'd see your face. Disfigured and hazy.  Broken and glued back together; missing the pieces lost with time. I remember you sometimes; what you were and what you gave away to become what you did. It evokes pride stirred with gut wrenching pain. 

I wonder how you walked away from the desolate memories that made you?  I wonder if you had a chance, would you change those moments? I wonder if you would still be here, sitting on this chair, typing this while trying to remember you, that girl who had dreams.

When pain becomes a part of you...

"It is an awful thing to be betrayed by your body. And it's lonely, because you feel you can't talk about it. You feel it's something between you and the body. You feel it's a battle you will never win . . . and yet you fight it day after day, and it wears you down. Even if you try to ignore it, the energy it takes to ignore it will exhaust you."

~David Levithan

Turning Thirty...

Life's been full of....

Storms that turned my world upside down

Comfort of my warm family that never turned its back on me

Full of broken promises and of goodbyes that stretched forever into darkness.

Gorgeous mountains and breath-taking rainbows

Days that were so dark I couldn’t even see my thoughts

Moonlit nights with eyes of an angel above me

Cravings to go under a rock and never come back

Breezy evenings that turned into beautiful sunrises

Truck hit cars 

Talking with the machines and falling in love with the wheels

Of struggle with my mind to forget and to remember

The gain and the losses, the blunders and the blotches, of people and places, of emotions of love and hate – much as I try I can’t remember half.

All that remains is ME. I am made up of ALL of that and more. I am what I am because of all that was then and all that will be.

I am ready for another bout of madness. 

This too shall pass

"All that is beautiful,
All that gives me pain,
It shall all pass away,
Nothing will remain."

28th January 2013 - A wish realised.

Har ek baat pe kehte ho tum ki ‘tu kya hai’ ?
Tumheen kaho ki yeh andaaz-e-guftgoo kya hai ?

Ragon mein daurte phirne ke hum naheen qaayal.
Jab aankh hi se na tapka to phir lahoo kya hai ?

Jalaa hai jism jahaan dil bhee jal gaya hoga.
Kuredate ho jo ab raakh, justjoo kya hai ?

Losing a friend is never easy.

Dhanno...
14th January '98 - 24th July '11
You were one of those few who never let me down.

Thanks to the enormous beauty inside the tiny beast.

You made me a better person.

....Lines from The Mourning Bride..

Heav'n has no rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd. Nor Hell a fury, like a Woman scorn'd.