He looked up and asked me if I ever had a lover I did not betray,
I turned on the radio and looked the other way.

Elegy for my Brother...

Dedicated to my dear brother, who lies in eternal peace.

By W.H.Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was their North, their South, their East and West,

Their working week and their Sunday rest,

Their noon, their midnight, their talk, their song;

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

A dream discarded

If my life was to be videographed,
It'd be full of those silent moments,
All saying a thousand words,
In four different languages.

Full circle, in the other direction...

With the appearance of the full moon on the 30th of June 2007, my life ,of the past six months, came a full circle. With the final line in the school project I started with some 25 weeks back, visiting it first hand, doing and re-doing things for what seemed like an eternity of a very small duration, I finally finished the task. And walked out from that oasis in the desert known as Ayanagar Village.
But before I left, I went upto the terrace of Windmill, my workplace for the past six months. I went back in time to the first time I had been there. A foggy winter afternoon. I couldn't see a thing beyond the next building which incidentally is a school. It was cold outside, yet it felt as warm as it could. The place had welcomed me with its open arms.But then, as I remembered that warmth from the first day, a smog rose inside me, strangling me from within while smiling and singing. Then the mist cleared. I saw what was there around me. A huge terrace, with a queer li'lle dome sitting in a corner, tiny dots of lights beyond that. Aravali sure looks beautiful at night. Warm breeze touched my face, and I felt calm and cool from within.
This is where i was that day, and this is where I am today. The place holds a different meaning for me now. I was smiling that day, and I am smiling today. I feel different from inside now.
It's a full circle, in the other direction.
Fluctuating between then and now, I came downstairs. Walking down the bridge, my mind was going through snippets of events that occured in the short time that I was here, in this beautiful place. I heard the starting roar of a bullet. I knew whom it belonged to. I knew what it signified. It was another soul leaving this place. Just as I was. A lot of them left in the past two months. People I was attached to, people I talked to, people I didn't mind talking to. The fading sound of the bullet engine told me that the last of the lot is gone. It was time for me to go too.
I suffer from some weird memory problem, don't remember which one. But it has something to do with my brain locking up the events and only leaving their essence outside. Limited RAM, I guess. The next one month would see this office fading off into the background and I wouldnt remember much about this place. But what I would remember, for sure, is that it was one heck of a beautiful place. It had two amazingly lazy dogs and nine annoyingly noisy geese. I met and bonded with people that I came to adore and respect. I said my goodbyes. I could've stayed if I wanted to. I chose otherwise. I have no regrets.

"All that 's bright must fade,— The brightest still the fleetest; All that 's sweet was made but to be lost when sweetest."

time 'nd again.....

Sometimes..... you feel you're at the right place at the wrong time.....and somehow, someway, you stick around long enough to make it the right time at the right place......it looks perfect, but then out of the corner of your eye.......something hits you.....and then....you fall..... nev'r to rise again.

The beginning.....

06 August 2006

09:40 am
Sarovar Tourist Rest House,
Tallital, Nainital



After almost 12 hours of stationary motion in a bus travelling at about 120km/hrs for almost 6-8 hrs, I'm dizzy and totally fed up with the disgusting bus journey. But one look, just one look outside, and everything ..... from the nauseous journey to the annoying lady in the bus who had nothing to do but connect everything with her worthless son whom she was going to visit........everything was worth it.

The journey was more or less uneventful to say the least, but something struck me sometime during the sun rise... we were crossing an area that was all fields and small huts in between. But then, i saw this huge boarding.....some barely clad girl sitting on a marble floor doing yoga.....all i could do at that time was smile at the irony......... but then the ridicule of the situation became more prominent as we transgressed towards Rudrakot.....huge factories staring at your face with the stench of smoke and disgust of human apetitite for ruining what not long ago must'v been a beautiful plateau to watch the sunrise from. I guess, the fact that I was appalled by the site must'v been quite visible on my face as the lady next to me told me that the Govt has allowed them tax-free existence for five years in order to promote industrialization of that area. People were dying of hunger as a result of unemployment. The corruption of the womb of nature seemed a small price to pay when it came to self existence.

As I continued to think about what I'd seen, the bus started its climb to the himalayas......and as always, I was dumbstruck by the beauty of it all......... An incredible blend of Kurseong, Katra, and Kullu.......this was an ultimate sight to hold in your eyes, capture in your memory, and let it sink in to the deepest part of your soul. The road through which I was so effortlessly climbing up was made through cutting parts of these hills......another exploitation perhaps? But, now, I have a biased opinion. 'cuz I am in love. Yet again.

* While I was jotting all this down in my journal......the lake was engulfed in clouds as they dived down into the valley and then wind blew them away as swiftly as it'd let 'em drop.....'nd it became etched in my memory.....the surprises, the carelessness of wind....the humble nd sometimes fierce nature of the clouds.......its all so beautiful.....that it brought tears into my eyes.......

P.S. It's "Friendship Day" ....... 'nd I patched up with myself ;)