Too much now...

Darkness with the promise of light
And that's how it has been
There's sunshine behind these clouds
There might just be a river beyond these dunes
How about a spell of rain and thunderstorm
But yeah, I know it's too much now.

My demon is counting strikes
While the angel looks away
No matter this mangled mess
I'd rather you look away
When I burn to ash
Because I know it's too much now.

No, I don't dream anymore
You'd know when your heart sinks
Down into a bottomless pit
Its lack or excess
Control plays with your mind
Believe me, it's too much now.

I don't want another
No proof of before
What was, was enough
To know your core
I just want to sleep
It's too much now.

It's cold and my hands are empty
You warm another set of gloves
My eyes search for the fire
As I lay on the pyre
Go ahead world, move on
For me, it's too much now.

The noose tight around my neck
And the look on your face
Jagged little lines on the skin
Turn into knots in your stomach
Oh well, this book is over
It's too much now.

To the guy who glowered at me while I took the lift from the first to ground floor....

Please don't be so quick to judge.

In my better days, I could kick your ass off the compound and not sweat a drop.

33

I realise that I'm getting older
I realise that meanings will change
I realise that hearts would harden
I realise that tears would mean little

I realise that dogs can be indifferent
I realise that cats can be affectionate
I realise that diesel can become expensive
I realise that yellow is not a dirty color

I realise that past can never be forgotten
I realise that nightmares can bring it back
I realise that sometimes staying can be hard
I realise that moving away can bring you close

I realise that somethings never change
I realise that pain is here to stay
I realise that love will always find a way
I realise that you've got to keep calm and drive on.

Naye vaadon ka jo daala hai, wo jaal accha hai..
Rehnumaaon ne kaha hai ki ye saal accha hai..

Humko maalum hai jannat ki haqeeqat lekin
Dil ke khush rakhne ko Ghalib ye khayal accha hai..

"Your blindness to my downfall has gone too far to be a joke,
As I stand ablaze before you and you tell me you smell smoke."

~ Eric Hanson

If I could look inside my heart, through the darkness, into the melancholy.. I'd see your face. Disfigured and hazy.  Broken and glued back together; missing the pieces lost with time. I remember you sometimes; what you were and what you gave away to become what you did. It evokes pride stirred with gut wrenching pain. 

I wonder how you walked away from the desolate memories that made you?  I wonder if you had a chance, would you change those moments? I wonder if you would still be here, sitting on this chair, typing this while trying to remember you, that girl who had dreams.

When pain becomes a part of you...

"It is an awful thing to be betrayed by your body. And it's lonely, because you feel you can't talk about it. You feel it's something between you and the body. You feel it's a battle you will never win . . . and yet you fight it day after day, and it wears you down. Even if you try to ignore it, the energy it takes to ignore it will exhaust you."

~David Levithan