If there's one thing I could tell this thirteen year old you, it would be- trust your intuitions.
Trust yourself when you get behind the wheel for the first time. You don't know it yet, but this, right here, is your first love.
Stay true.
Don't leave cycling. Your body needs it more than you know now.
Don't give up.
You're blessed to have a horizon with so much music. Find yours. When you hold that guitar. Don't let go. No matter how much your fingers hurt.
Don't be lazy.
I know you love your family and nothing will change that. Remember that your parents are doing what they can from the best they know how. Don't judge your brother. He is his own person. Fight, if you want. But don't forget to make up. Because in the end, you will both need each other. The ones you lose, will be the ones who had to go.
Let them go.
At thirteen, don't give in to peer pressure. It's not necessary to be the bad girl to have a good time.
Stay simple, and never compromise.
Nobody would prepare you for what's to come. For what to expect. For what to do in life. How to plan for the life ahead. You'll be going in blindfolded, taking things as they come. You won't understand the beatings, the scoldings - and you'd react. Tell them to help you understand.
You deserve to know what's right, what's wrong before being reprimanded.
You won't excel in everything. It's okay. But give your best. Please, give your best. And seek help when you need it.
Please, ask for help.
That boy you see from the window - will mean nothing. The other one on whom you'd lose a friend - will mean nothing. The ones you'd look upto - well, run in the other direction. Fast. They'll destroy you.
Give up.
You did and you would find unwanted hands on your body. And you'd not know what to do. I'm telling you now - Scream. Shout. Bring the world to your door. Every damn time.
Don't be afraid. Because it won't stop until you make it stop.
Keep what you write. Don't burn every paper you ever poured your heart out on. Soon you'd give up anything to remember your childhood, and these diaries would be the bridge to that. I know it hurts. But erasing this doesn't omit what happened.
Keep it close.
Dance. It will become your second love. You'd never know anything more cathartic than this. Every time you move your legs - thank your stars.
Be grateful that you can.
Don't hold on to things. Don't hold on to people. Don't compromise on what you want to be. If you don't see respect in the offering, move away. Don't stay with abuse. Don't stay with misuse. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your heartbeat. It's not okay.
It's not okay.
You are and will always be a tough person to please.
Keep that. Helps filter out the nonsense.
If you think it's ever time to let your wall down, make sure it's worth it. Make sure he is worth every smile you give him.
If you don't feel it, stop it. There's nothing wrong with that.
Travel. Travel small and travel big. Go places, whenever you can. You don't need others.
You have you.
There are no regrets to how you will live your life for the next couple of decades. I am a living proof of that. Everything then made me what I am today.
What are you today?
You are 34. You are loved. Your man loves you unconditionally. You and your brother drifted away because both of you let another have a say in it. Your parents are getting old, and you're there for them. You are at war with your nightmares. You don't run from them.
But try and avoid the pain, the heartache, and the destruction you have had to see across this time.
Life is short. Live it.
